Friday, July 30, 2010

The Mets and My Testicles

I plan to have this be a recurrent theme for the DPF site. Now I realize that the headline may be a bit risqué. That is because it is. Now what do the Mets and my testicles have in common? Many, many things my loyal readers. In this article I plan to outline some of the commonalities.

1. We all know baseball is played in the summer. As the summer goes on, the heat intensifies and can play havoc on the crotch area in the dog days of August. The cream of the baseball crop rises to the top in this month usually. Now by the time August comes around, the Mets stink worse than a trash collection strike during a heatwave. My testicles also stink more than a pissed up diaper left in a closed car.

2. So what else is there?  Now I won’t say this about the entire Mets team (because I’d like to have David Wright play for the Phils one day), but my testicles and the Mets both have dicks for brains. Omar Minaya is completely clueless. The Phillies also finally got the better brother in Charlie Manuel. Jerry Manuel is a dunce with a ‘keen sense of eyeglass fashion’, Rivers Cuomo stated when asked his opinion.

3. 1973,1986…….The Mets, like my testicles, do get lucky sometimes.

4. The Mets, specifically Reyes and Beltran, are oft injured by minor things. My testicles also can be injured by just getting brushed the wrong way.

I welcome any other suggestion on why your testicles are just like the Mets. I also do not want to leave the ladies out, so you can tell me how the Mets are like your ovaries I guess. Thanks for reading and when you think Mets…think about testicles. Remember everyday is a great day to hate the Mets.


  1. There is one difference - I don't want to see the mets.....

  2. I don't know if this fits but I have blue balls.

  3. The Muts have as many American born players, Wright & Davis as I have testicles, 2 in each case.