Thursday, January 20, 2011
10 Bleeping Million Dollars?!?!?
76 feet high and 97 feet wide. Now I am not Copernicus, or Galileo, but why would you need a ridiculously huge scoreboard when you are actually at the game? We aren't talkin' 'bout a sports bar...We talking 'bout the actual game!!!! It is preposterously ostentatious and completely unnecessary. Let me put this into perspective a bit. For 10 Million dollars the Phillies could:
1. Buy 30% of the Pirates(But Why??)
2. Pay Robinson Cano and get rid of that stiff Utley
3. Carl Crawford is getting paid 10 million this year. I would much rather have him than a Sony Dick-tronics scoreboard
I figured my tickets went up for the addition of Cliff Lee, but I am beginning to suspect it was for this electronic monstrosity. I for one do not look at the scoreboard for anything. You know who does? Dumb broads and jackasses who merely go to the game because it is the cool place to be ("Oh, wow..Rad!!! Look at that sweet TV dude. Let's go pound Miller Lites with the Wriz down at the Schmitter stand"). You don't need a scoreboard to tell you the count, or what type of pitch is thrown, or what that ass pirate Chad Durbin does for fun in the offseason. Watch the game! Learn how to score your own game. Be lucky enough to sit near DB29 and just listen to a student of the game. If you want to have a popped collar, off to the side ( a la CC Sabathia) trucker hat or a short jean skirt and Ugg boots and talk about the new Surfjan Stevens song instead of if Cole should throw a 3-2 change-up with one out and a runner on third.....Stay the fuck home.
The Phillies did a great many things right, but I am salty about the scoreboard and the playoff ticket situation. I am pretty close to kicking the dog (and this bottle of Jameson) so I will sign off and leave you with this: If a person has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, and the person chooses to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base then I don't want these type of people coming to the Phillies games.
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Who cares? First of all I'm pretty sure stadium operations and improvements are not part of the player budget and you have a choice of not looking or not, but we all know YOU are going to look at the new screen and at one point or another you are going to say "WOW!" Secondly, I don't think you have a dog. But leave that as it may. I for one is looking forward to it. Do I think is it necessary. Maybe not, but I say again who really cares? And that is my legal opinion.ReplyDelete
I think you have your stereotypes messed up. No one who wears a popped collar or Ugg boots listens to Sufjan Stevens.ReplyDelete
I would like to stand corrected. People in popped collars and skirts/Uggs would not be listening to Surfjan Stevens. Those would be people wearing tight jeans and vintage T-Shirts.ReplyDelete
I think it's my fault Chris, I mentioned in a previous piece that the Phils needed to update the 'Jumbo Tron'. Who knew that 'Drunk Phils Fans' had that kind of power?ReplyDelete
You'd think when you take 6 months off between articles you'd come up with more original than a rant about a scoreboard. I can only assume this is your audition piece to write for Philly Baseball Talk. Good Job!ReplyDelete
I didn't realize that a bad load would be such a fashionista to even know what Uggs are. Not to worry, I am not a dumb broad or do I own a pair of Uggs. I sit in Section 116, behind the Phil's dugout, directly across from the scoreboard. I am not surprised by the new scoreboard because at the beginning of last season parts were out and never repaired throughout the year.The old scoreboard is going to Clearwater where it could be damaged more on the long trek south. My solution would be to install it in my backyard with Comcast hookup so I could watch the games from my deck. All DPFs would be invited to join me.ReplyDelete
ha ha ha..great post Chris. I would rather see that money go to anchoring someone to patrol right field, among other things.. however! If only those who knew how to keep score came out to Phillies' games, the organization would be in serious financial sh*t. Dave Montgomery would barely be able to afford to rent out a 50 foot diamond used for tee ball if he didn't have the "broads and jackasses'"money. And you can forget about R2C2. Tom Glavine would have to be lured out of retirement to get some asses perched on those ice cold aluminum bleachers! Oh, and good luck dropping loads DPF outside such an outfit without the po-pos rebuking your merriment within 10 minutes. The Phils are just trying to keep up with Jones'. Spending some money on a contraption to keep the Ugg boot-brigade ooo-ing and ahhh-ing before they pass out into a Cuervo-induced coma, is a surefire way to keep them and their cash-filled Coach wallets coming back for more.... all while occupying seats that the scorekeepers like myself would give their right kidney for..but that's besides the point. :)ReplyDelete
Actually I love the idea of the new scoreboard. And although I don't keep score during the game, I can follow it and do not have a pair of UGGS. Frankly, I like checking out the idiots they show between innings flexing what they think are muscles or playing imaginary bongos likes morons. It gives me more entertainment for my money. Katie, I'll be over to watch on your deck should Dave Montgomery decide to give you the old one!ReplyDelete