Thursday, January 27, 2011

When The Franchise speaks.....

The Franchise is just about to head out the Fluid Nightclub this Thursday night, but wanted to make sure I had my post up and ready for Franchise Friday. Hair Gel. Check. Bathed in Kenneth Cole Reaction Cologne.Check. Pre-gamed with Jagerbombs. Check. Now to drop Phillies knowledge on my fans.

The Franchise looked back at the years the Phillies went to the World Series since 1980 and did some Bill James type sabermetrical extrapolations. What came to me was that to be a World Champion many things must happen....or not happen, but the number two hitter may be the most important person in the lineup. 1983, 1993, and 2009 the Phillies had underperforming two hole hitters. Len Matuszek, Mickey Morandini/Mariano Duncan, and Placido Polanco won't cut it. Bake McBride and Chase Utley can. If you have your head in your ass you won't realize The Franchise is talking about 80 and 08. The years the Phillies won it all. So that brings us to 2011. Will the number two hole hitter even matter? The starting staff is so good. Nonsense. The number two slot is the most important person in the lineup. So now who I think should be in the two slot and why.

Chase Utley is a GREAT two hole hitter. He is a below average three hole hitter. His last great year was 2008. Also the last year he was the Phillies two hole hitter. I could put the statistics to prove this, but you imbeciles obviously have the look it up yourselves. The Franchise has DJ Tiesto pumping in the background, his DVR set to record The Jersey Shore, and is about to unleash a Top 9 list even The Wriz will like. The batting order. I may be Italian, but I am not going to pull some Tony LaRussa pitcher in the eight hole bullshit.

Victorino- Look for a 40 steals year and .285 average
Utley- Return to form hitting over .300 with 30 + bombs
Rollins- Perfect spot for the uppercut swing
Howard- Ho hum 40 HR's and 120 RBI's
Francisco- Breakout year with people pitching around Howard to get to him
Ibanez- Don't expect him the be a Phillie by years end
Ruiz- This guy is consistent and deserves the bump to 7
Polanco- Perfect second leadoff hitter in the eight hole

Now we know that last year's lineup simply did not click. Thinking it should stay the same this year just is not a smart move. The way The Franchise has set up the lineup breaks up the righties and the lefties VERY nicely as well. Will that formerly fat hillbilly see it The Franchise's way? I dunno. Will the reader's of this blog be able to stop brushing their tooth, take their Geritol, strap on the Depends and see that this lineup will have me pumping my fist and Chase Utley saying "World Fucking Champions!" once again?

That's it for The Franchise for now.Later on tonight if you are wondering where your girl or wife is...They may be getting Franchised. Special thank you goes out to The Wriz's cousin for the pic above. She sure knows how to handle the stick and The Franchise loves her two hole.

Boom Boom Pow!


  1. Well, not the Boom Boom Pow you think. Two words for this quote you, if I may....HO HUM

  2. Thanks for taking the time to push away from the buffet table (eggs, scrapple, bacon, pancakes, french toast, etc) and caking on your make up to read my article. So what do you think of the points and the actual lineup???...IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!!

  3. Obviously it does or you would not have asked. I think you're a stupid asshole with an attitude that will get you nowhere. You should move to the Jersey Shore where the other smacked asses go. I could care less about your lineup you disrespectful jerkoff. Until you post with some respect for others it doesn't matter what your Phillies points are. You are just an asshole.

  4. Yo..honey. Settle down. Let The Franchise make it up to you and take you out to a nice dinner. Fogo de Chao perhaps. A nice all you can eat place. The Franchise doesnt think he can take you to an a la carte joint. That would mean less money for hair gel, spray tan, and gold chains.

  5. Use your money more wisely. I suggest you buy yourself some etiquette classes. I wouldn't be caught dead with someone as classless as you. I won't even acknowledge you from here on out, so save your fingertips for your bimbos, Big Guy.

  6. For someone who states they know a lot about the Phillies you screwed the pooch on this one. Len Matuszek was a September call up in 83'. He appeared in just 28 games and batted 2nd only 14 times. The guy who was the true #2 hitter was a little obscure, he batted in the 2 spot over 100 times that year & in every NLCS & WS game. His name was Pete Rose. Dope!

  7. The Franchise doesn't acknowledge cheaters. It was an intentional omission. You must be one of those guys that is all over Pete Rose's knob. The Franchise is getting what The Franchise wants and said he would bring to this blog. A new sense of passion, innovation, and creativity. But hey, it's Friday must have a big one planned ahead of you. A little World of Warcraft to up your Gnome Paladin to Level 65, sucking back on that piss Heineken, and wishing you could smell The Franchise's finger after being with The Wriz's cousin last night.
    Boom Boom Pow!

  8. What a fucking tool. Your finger probably smells from being up your own ass.

  9. Hey Anonymous...Turn on NASCAR, put on your stained wife-beater, pack in a dip of Skoal, and go beat your wife.

  10. I'm trying to understand your logic behind the importance of a number 2 hitter.

    Are you saying that if you have a good 2 hitter during the season that you will win the world series? Victorino hit .292 during the regular season in 2009 and they didn't win the world series.

    But if you're saying that you need a good #2 hitter in the World Series then by that logic the Phillies should have won in 1993 since Duncan hit .345 against Toronto.

    FYI, Utley hit third in 08 (and 09 too) Werth hit second in 2008 and hit .444 and victorino hit second in 2009 and hit .182. (in 08 victorino hit .250 batting sixth and werth hit .263 batting fifth)

    In 2010 Polanco was atrocious in the division series and a bit better in the championship series. Whereas during the regular season he hit .298 in different spots of the lineup (1 2 and 3)

    So Victorino's average in the 09 series supports your hypothesis of a good #2 hitter as well as does Werth's 08 average. But Polanco hitting .298 during the year and Duncan hitting .345 in the series doesn't support your hypothesis.

    Also Utley batted better in 2007 than in 2008 and they were swept in the NLDS that year. (where utley hit .182 batting in 3rd one and 2nd twice)

  11. Its a good thing you mentioned that was my cousin. I didn't recognize her with all those clothes on she looks way different. And Anonymous, you don't want to smell his finger it smell like a mixture of ball park franks and cucumbers, while my cousin is a freak she is waiting for marriage.