Friday, February 11, 2011

The Franchise Speaks on Losers

The Franchise was not always the man. It took a lot of Muscle Milk, pumping of iron, hair gel, and self-tanning solution. The Franchise loves the club scene in Philadelphia, but there are many losers out there. Many of you ladies have actually dated some of them. If you are still in the club when the lights go on, then you are a loser. If you wear a black hat with a yellow P you are a loser. Yes, I am talking about the armpit of Pennsylvania and the MLB - The Pittsburgh Pirates.

A lot of these nut rags out there in the national media spout off about how terrible the Phillies were and how the Phillies were the first team to 10,000 losses. Philadelphia baseball was in fact a city of losers pre-1980. It just so happens that The Franchise was also born Valentine’s Day in 1980. Coincidence? I think not. I researched the top 26 worst seasons in MLB history and found out that 9 of those 26 season seasons were in fact played here in Philadelphia:

A’s – ’15, ’16, and ‘19

Phillies- ’28, ’38, ’39, ’41, ’42, and ‘45

So why is The Franchise picking on Pittsburgh? It is like making fun of bum selling flowers next to the on ramp to I-95. Well I wanted to exorcise the demons of Philadelphia being a losing town. The Phillies had 16 consecutive losing seasons from 1933-1948 (P.F. – Pre-Franchise). Well the Pirates have eclipsed that mark with 18 consecutive losing seasons and counting from 1993-2010. I have to tell you I do not think things are looking good for the Bucs in 2011. They just lost an arbitration case to Ross Ohlendorf. Ross had a stellar 2010 record of 1-11.

I then further researched losing streaks to see if I could find a baseball team that had more consecutive losses than the Phillies in a season. The 23 game losing streak in 1961 still bothers The Franchise. Someone had to be worse than my hometown team right? Well just like with the ladies, The Franchise does not disappoint. The 1889 Louisville Colonels lost 26 straight that year. So that streak is now officially off our city’s back.

The Franchise then wondered who the other losers were in the four major sports. In the NFL, the 1976-1977 Tampa Bay team was a horrendous 0-26 over two seasons. The Sharks (92-93) and the Capitals (74-75) share the NHL’s record with 17 straight losses. The current NBA streak is ongoing with Cleveland now losing 26 straight.

There should be a movement to change the best pitching award in the MLB from Cy Young’s name. This fat tub of goo lost 316 career games. Why not name it the Anthony Young Award? Anthony Young lost 27 consecutive games in which he was involved in a decision from 1992-1993 for those gnutes (The Franchise’s own word) who played in Shea.

In preparation for this article, The Franchise did watch the reality show called ‘The Biggest Loser’. The Franchise did not like watching big fat animals on scales. It made The Franchise sick. It also had no fist-pumping. There were some breasts jiggling all over the place, but that was from the disgraced Olympian Rulon Gardner’s chest. I will leave you with this thought though…Sometimes losing is not so bad. Sometimes a friend, or co-worker, or teammate is such a cancer that you actually are better by losing them or letting them go.

Nota Bene (which is Italian and means note well for all of you non-paisanos)

In honor of those lost… The Franchise’s Top 9 Self Tanners:

· Guerlain's Terracotta Self-Tanning Spray for the Body

· L'Oreal Sublime Glow for the Body

· Laura Mercier Bronzing Gel for the Face

· Clarins Radiance-Plus Self Tanning Cream-Gel for the Face

· Jergens Natural Glow

· Decleor Self-Tanning Milk and Gels for Body and Face

· St. Tropez Whipped Bronze Self-Tanning Mousse for Face and Body

· Clarins Liquid Bronze Self-Tanner for the Face

· TanTowel Self-Tanning Towelettes


  1. And which of the 2 losers in the picture is you?

  2. I googled the franchise and found his last boxing match. Pay particualr attention @ 2:12

  3. Are you freakin serious? You cannot possibly consider this trash to be an article or blog worthy for even the National Enquirer. There was not one coherent train of thought in the entire piece. These are the ramblings of a narcissistic South Philly knuckle head with ADHD. Oh look, a bird....

    Douche bag.

  4. Yo Anonymous,
    The Franchise does not tell you how to do your job blowing johns under the El at K&A. You should not tell him how to do his job and write a blog.
    Boom Boom Pow!

  5. This blog has seen better days. Where is Jay Wrizight?

  6. He jumped ship to another blog that more suited his talents. You can look for his work here:

  7. This blog has turned sour, it's practically dead. All the fun has been sucked out of it. You are not funny or at the very least entertaining, despite (sadly) your best efforts to convince us to feel otherwise. I feel sorry for you. Move on.

  8. If you do not like the blog, then you can move on....dope. It is funny that at 5.46 am and 5.25 am for two consecutive days, someone from the SAME IP address (who apparently does not like my article or the blog) is making negative comments on the blog. Seems that your opinion is in the minority chief. Keep those hits coming...up to 12,568 views now. More in the last week than ever.

  9. I takes a loser to know a loser. You are just that. Not fun on here anymore.

  10. Hahahahaha!! Now we KNOW it is 'The Wriz' or one of his minions : "I takes a loser to know a loser." Great job there on the sentence structure you illiterate jackass!! Hahahahahaha!!!

  11. This blog stinks!!!! This will be the last one I waste my time reading. The name suites!!! If you cannot understand what that means think of cheese.

  12. You fucking idiot. Suites are a bunch of rooms. The word you are looking for is suits. Go read Trucker Weekly you fucking hillbilly piece of shit.

  13. I love The Franchise and I agree The Franchise is a pompous ass but The Franchise knows his shit. More importantly, he can spell and create a sentence that doesn’t make you cringe.

    Every week someone comments on how they will never read the blog again. Yet week after week the readership is up and the comments are just flying in. Good or bad, the blog gets hits. The word gets out and the people are informed. This week there is a repeat “this blog sucks” guy. I think the 5:25am poster should take a break from posting for a while. Maybe take up some light reading. Give it a shot. Give the rest of us a break from the hideousness you call the English language.

    Here’s a suggestion: