Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Ruben Gonna Make a Splash?

Thome. Papelbon. Wiggington. Orr. Nix.

Admit it. Our beloved Phightins started the offseason free agent dash by making some fairly major deals. Bringing back Paul Bunyon, er, Jim Thome was at minimum a fan-friendly move. Asking him to man first base--even part-time--until #6 returns may be a bit much to ask of his 73-year old body. As long as he has that sweet swing, he'll still wow CBP-goers and tease the Ashburn Alley crowd.

Picking up Papelbon shocked people throughout the league. Granted, he trailed off at the end of 2011. He should pick up at least as many saves as would Ryan Madson. Plus, coming from that zany Red Sox clubhouse, he's a bit of a wildcard in terms of behavior. I'm sure we'll catch his act on Action News a few times during his stint.

The only thing Wigginton's got going for him is his likeness to yours truly. That should translate to some Werth-like attention from the phairer sex.

Orr. That's all I have to say about that.

Lance Nix looks like he can brawl. Swings big. And it signifies that chants of "Rauuuuuuuuulllllll" are all but over at the Bank. "Laaaaaaaaaaannnnnncccceeeee" just doesn't have the same ring, does it?

Here we sit, deep into the second day of the winter meetings, and Ruben's yet to pull the trigger on something big. If I know anything about this GM, it's that he will not be upstaged in this town.
With #7 taking the field again Sunday, the Eagles are still commanding a good bit of attention.

Now that the NBA ended their lockout---or as I like to call it "Who gives a shit?"---the 76ers will begin to garner buzz.

And no matter how well the Flyers play, Philly never bleeds Orange and Black until February; up 'til then, only true fans pay attention.

That leaves Ruben a terrific opportunity to snatch the city's imagination of what-could-be. He did it last year when he signed Cliff Lee on December 15, 2010. A year prior, he traded for superman Roy Halladay. Amaro has a genuine knack for theatrics. He'll surely pull off a blockbuster.

Meanwhile, we wait. We sit back and watch the stinking fish in Miami sign Reyes and Buehrle and offer that caveman Pujols a ten year deal. Chances are, J-Roll will get much of the money he wants and stick around. Declining numbers, schmeclining numbers. Reyes will do what he does, just while wearing teal now. Hopefully, the heat in Miami gets to be too much and he'll cut those nasty-ass dreds off. Sorry, but thosethings just creep me out.

C'mon, Ruben. We're on pins and needles here. Do something we can talk about. Don't let these fishy moves make the only splash in the NL East.

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