1.
So, how long have you been writing Phillies commercials?
I started in 2003, the year before they moved
to Citizens Bank Park.
2.
Are we to deduce that all the sell-outs of recent years can be attributed to
you?
Of course! Also, I invented the internet.
3. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty: you must
have worked with a lot of the players and personalities over the years. Who
don’t you like?
Aw man, you went there right away? No warm up?
4. Okay, we’ll start with warm & fuzzies
then. Who’s your favorite player to work
with?
Well, Jimmy Rollins is probably the sweetest,
and most fun to deal with. But I have a
soft spot in my heart for a lot of others, too, for various reasons.
5. Like what reasons? Like they smell good or they flirt with you?
Please, I’m like, their mother. Or their bossy big sister, at least. I have really enjoyed working with the ones
who are funny, who have great comedic timing. Chase Utley is very funny. So was Jamie Moyer. Ryan Howard is witty --- he has lots of
ideas. And my producer and I used to say that Mike Leiberthal and Randy Wolf
should shoot a buddy comedy film.
6. Like a road trip?
Very funny.
7. Well, I heard you like funny. Okay, so what players aren’t funny?
Pat Burrell was not funny.
8. I thought all women loved Pat Burrell.
No comment.
9. So, do you have locker room access? Have you seen anyone naked?
I’ve seen Cole Hamels and Shane Victorino in
their underwear. Probably others, too, I just can’t remember. I’ve seen everyone without a shirt.
10. Ah, yet you remember Cole & Shane? Why?
Well, they’re both really nice.
11.
Seriously?
Yes, why is that so hard for you to
believe?
12. You remember them half-naked because they are
nice?
Yes! I’m
all about nice.
12. Okay, well, that probably explains why your
first campaign for Citizens Bank Park had the players skipping and rolling in
the grass.
That was not easy, getting people like Brett
Myers to skip and sniff flowers, let me tell you.
13. Was that the hardest thing you’ve ever had to
do for The Phillies?
No, that was probably editing footage of Aaron
Rowand running into the wall and breaking his nose. Over and over, back and forth, going to the
music. I almost threw up. And then there was a commercial where I tried to
convince Vukovich, rest his soul, to say a line about being “in touch with his
feminine side.”
14. Did you succeed?
No.
15. One last question, Kelly. Can you get me tickets?
No.
Thank
you for nothing!
Here is the link to the
new Phillies 2012 commercials, if you haven’t already seen them: http://philadelphia.phillies.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?topic_id=26956682&c_id=phi
In
addition to writing commercials, Kelly is a novelist with Simon & Schuster,
so go buy for that book club we know you’ve been planning to start.
Or check out her blogs at http://www.kellyasimmons.blogspot.com or http://www.verysincerely.com if you like girly things.
OMG, love that picture and headline. Still laughing! Thanks for posting and connecting with me. You guys are almost too funny to be baseball fans.
ReplyDeleteKelly, the pleasure is all ours. Thank you for reading, writing, and encouraging us!
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